with you

these days
i am falling
deep
into you
as far as my body will let me go
i would wish to wake up with you
your arms around me
kiss you
run my fingers through your hair
move closer
as close as possible in
the skin of my body
until
this becomes something
i no longer have words for

i just want to be with you

rhapsody

and within following

a rhythm of striking gold,

I am picking all divisions

of my body bright,

blank skin along 

a canvas, unshorn hair

matting against my skull,

spots of blood

and surviving murmurs

of your kiss upon my collar,

staining black, blooming

wild forms of joy

and gratification as I watch

my shadow unfurl

in your mirror,

with a grin and a laugh

as I lift up my arm to touch,

nails raw, and inch forward,

slowly,

my lips soft against glass

in rhapsody.

apologize

at least the man
who tried to kill me
was polite
about it.

his hand
rests gently
on the back of my neck,
nails rough and worn
as he traces his way
down the length of my spine,
turning each knob
with a definite crack
until he reaches the curves
of my hips
and digs in.
sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
i'm sorry. 
my name, something other
than a curse, a rope tied tightly
around us both, just hovering
between the space of his lips
as one of us, i'm not sure who,
starts to cry. 
we are left with
his hand on my heart,
knife on my gullet,
lips pressed softly to my cheek
in prayer
as he apologizes once more
and the moment
where everything pauses
and i brace myself
for the impact.

perfect

and this is ecstatic

the beat of your body

within mine

the rush of the blood

along the length of

my limbs

as i rock forward into

your arms

laughing

i cannot stop smiling

for everything feels

perfect now

forever

it's as if forever
could suddenly explode

and we are all liars
black along the charcoal
sweet white within
the lines of your blood
as i lean in
to kiss the red blur of your lips
but miss in a laugh
against the curve of your
cheek

some one tell me
this
will go on and on
and on and on until
the lines of each element
of my skin
become transparent
beneath the morning
light bright against the shadows
of the sheet draped
along the length of
your hips
and the scent of your hair
your face and body
mixed within mine
until i can no longer tell
when you are ending
and whether i have begun
to be able to decently
tell this story
with any accuracy

and i am still waiting
for the bomb to drop
and everything to end
each and every time
i reach in to kiss you

when i pull back
you are still smiling
though

happy

part three

you tell me

you love me

and i wish to stop breathing

curl my body forward into yours

clutch my fingers

against your shoulders

breath your scent in

and almost will myself to cry

as i am overcome

i hope you know how

happy you make me

in the end

part two

i told you
i love you (i love you)
quickly without breath
in my memories
of the embellishment
of the act
and the tug of the words
from my lips
in one go
almost to the point where
i wondered if
i'd just thrown
my confession away
i told you
i love you (i love you)
"really?" you asked
really, truly
actually,
probably by now
for long enough that
i am no longer fighting it
and this will only
grow from here
i told you
i love you (i love you)
and you asked for time
but i knew that
before i decided to speak
i knew that as i
opened my mouth
i knew that as
i watched your face
in response and
it's ok
i'll give it to you
willingly

for i see no reason why
we won't get there
in the end

make do

part one

i was going to write
you a confession
to tell you
i love you (i love you)
probably filled with words about
the way you make me feel
written like all other poems
and all other loves
shared by
other people
so generic that in the end
i couldn't
i was going to write
you a love poem
in confession
about it all
and i can't
not sure why
or how or when
but this relationship is now
everything
not in a creepy or
desperate manner
but in a fashion that it's
slightly too large
to kiss open across the page
in a way that makes
any sense at all
i was going to write
you a confession
to tell you
i love you (i love you)
but instead
wrote one
on why i couldn't

you'll just have to
make do with this

fire

you

set me on fire.

like a love poem

along the edges of the page

as the flame burns brighter

and brighter

until there is nothing left

but ashes.

love poem

i'd love to write you
love poems
in some essence of the moment
a sliver of remembrance across the page
in hopes that maybe you will
understand
possibly allow both of us to cry
by the time we reach
the last line

(i wrote you
a love poem)(i wrote
you a love poem)(i
wrote you a
love poem)

i want to write you
love poems
in an effort to tell you
the things i have stopped questioning
what i am compelled to do
kiss you softly
link your fingers through mine
and roll over beneath the darkness
in my bed together

(i wrote you
a love poem)(i wrote
you a love poem)(i
wrote you a
love poem)

i'm going to write you
love poems
so i can give you everything
the beat of the moment
all of this laughter
the press of your hand to my heart
those smiles in the corner of the day
when i am happy
or everything is just full
on the level of complete
satisfaction

(i wrote you
a love poem)(i wrote
you a love poem)(i
wrote you a
love poem)
(i wrote you
a love poem)(i wrote
you a love poem)(i
wrote you a
love poem)

so smile
kiss me
but more importantly
i just need you
to be
here

how to love you

the real question is
whether or not i will make you immortal
as i press my lips to the curve
of your cheek on the page,
feel your fingers gently grasp
around my wrist in a light grip
and sigh.
because this is such a slow moment
in time, stretched out along
the length of my bed
in the soft darkness of the night,
my body wrapped tightly in yours
as the two of us drift off
into sleep.
i do not know any other way
to love people,
but to write the lines
of your body clear across the page,
slowly claw the desire
of what you do to me
along the edge of my skin
as i shudder,
shiver and then collapse forward
into the memory of your arms.
and in doing so, i used to wonder
what you
and other people think of this,
because i will not regret it
in the end,
for this moment existed once
in this type of love,
carved out against the thudding
beat of my heart
as i slowly try to climb
into you, elicit
a smile and a laugh, trace
my fingers through your beard
and eventually fall asleep with
my head on your shoulder
and your arm around my waist.
for we'll exist,
immortal,
as love letters on this page together
long, long after these moments
are over.

the first two lines of the poem are taken from They eat out by Margaret Atwood.

bit by bit

bit by bit

even
beneath the grasp of your hand
against my neck        the pull
of my hair against my scalp
and the burning gasp
that is wrenched
from the confines of my throat
i will build it
bit by bit
stick by stick
pebble by pebble
and bone by bone
this city        paradise
stretched along the length of my back
a river flowing between
the blades of my shoulders
white fog along the edge
of my skin        blue
and purple flowers blooming
deep within the spaces
of my ribs
while the red crunch of autumn
dries clean and crusted
between my lips

and in the end
this is perfect        regardless
of your absence i
am still building
and growing and
constructing and colonizing
and reclaiming the land
you took
away from me

bit by bit
i'll pave over
the remainders
of your presence

open

let me open the body

red along the lines of my lung

scoop my hands together

to the axis of your heart

as the world tilts sideways

when i move in to kiss you

let me open my body

lock my fingers within 

the shallow indents of my hips

bend forward at the waist 

and breath slowly

through the pain and the beat

and the kiss of it all

let me open your body

straddle the width of your hips

run my fingers through your hair

and breathe deeply

almost enough to meld you to me

so i will never have to let go

when sleep approaches

because i can count the beat

of the moments until morning

trace the lines of your jaw

and scrape my nail gently

along the curve of your ear in a shiver

of delight

and by the end of it

i am gloriously happy

hot tonight

it's hot tonight

almost too hot for talking

your fingers a shadow of a trace

along the base of your glass

in the dark

as the wind flutters gently behind

the curtain

almost like a butterfly 

just beyond the reach of my hands

as i lean in and try 

to wrap my fingers within yours

it's hot tonight

too hot to talk 'bout fucking

the sweat curving down

the length of my brow

salt in my eyes as i blink

once twice hard enough

to try and clear my thoughts 

as you cup the side of my jaw

and lean in

just far enough to break me

without falling

it's hot tonight

too fucking hot for love

it's just cold enough though

to press the pads of my fingers 

against the molting bruises on my neck

until they hurt to the point of freshness

as i face my reflection in the mirror

the temperature in the apartment

slowly rising until 

we reach boiling point together

and are finally finally

done

i need your love

i need

your love, 

pale along the lines

of my skin 

in the early pink of the morning.

the birds are barely

waking

as the sun creeps past

the body of the curtains,

just allowing enough light

to alluminate the side of your face

pressed into the pillow

in bed beside me.

you will not wake,

just like every other time,

even with the rustle 

as i pull the blankets free 

of my body,

plod my footsteps across the floor

to the bathroom as i shut

the door

without care that you'll hear me.

the sun is high

by the time i'm gone,

the spare key of your apartment

in the mailbox, 

one of my earrings lost

between the mattress and the boxspring,

and the wind a faint whisper

through the leaves of your houseplant

that you've forgotten to water 

once again.

and even after i regret it

i will still return, 

regardless whether you kiss me,

smile in the light of the day fading,

trace your hand gently

along the side of my cheek

and lie,

just enough to keep believing 

it all.

i need your love.

from here

i think we're alive,
even beneath the sky
of a city like this,
the street lights yellow
to the point of illness,
the sirens a wail
echoing down the length of the highway
as we wait to cross
while the ambulance roars past.
but i still have your hand in mine
as we wander down the road, sidestep
the man begging on the corner,
breathe through the cloud of pot in the air
from the couple passing by
and then turn back
before we approach the part of downtown
that barely feels safe during the day,
let alone at night.
i am not from here though,
yet it is even as it is reaching the point where i forget,
i am still startled upon occasion.
i can now feel the print of the grid along my skin
as i walk throughout the city, duck
the overhanging branches from the yards
beside me and jaywalk from where
the sidewalks end and the bike lane begins,
with only a small thought of a prayer
not to be hit in traffic
on my way to meet you.
for we are always walking now,
the sound of one footfall and then
another, the descent of the temperature
into the night, my hand in yours
and your lips on mine as you kiss me goodnight
in the early hours of the morning.
there are still cars driving by as we part,
the street lights still blinking yellow in the dark,
my body humming slowly to the chill in the air
as i make my way home.
for eventually you get used to a city like this.

with me

breathe
softly quietly
beneath the shadow and the shiver
of this sensation
as my eyes close and slowly roll
back into my head
my neck tilting to the side
as i gasp
the memory of the moment
a fresh chill along my skin
that i am incapable
of overcoming
i can still feel you with me
on me
in me
around me
long after you're gone

believe

and this time i believe you
as i inhale deeply, the scent of arousal
still clinging to my fingers, my body
awash with the small thrill of the moment,
your lips on my neck, your fingers
in my hair as we each breath raggedly together.
it's in the omission that it breaks me open,
the whisper in your voice as i run my tongue
along the side of your neck,
press my breasts down against your chest
and feel your hands solid
along the base of my spine
while i resist the urge to hold back
from allowing you to fuck me.
and you, along with the rest of my world,
will probably read this,
maybe as confession, a love poem,
a lie, the truth behind the curve of the computer screen,
but even at this point i find i have very little
to be afraid of by now,
not the lines of my body, the arc of my heart
and the span of my desire in relation
to my body and my mind and you.
for we've already reached the tipping point of resolution.
and i have been left with nothing to fear
by tomorrow.

live wire

it's normally between
the hours of 10 and 3 am
when i can feel the pulse of the city
a live wire across my skin
while i stare out into the darkness
not yet at the point where i miss the stars
since there are so many lights
burning brightly tonight

and i'm finding it harder and harder
to breathe
the air still beneath my fingers
as i raise my arms
rake my fingers through my hair in frustration
against the empty promises
of the night

cause i would like for it to fill me
blacken smoke across my teeth
a whisper of a sweat along
the back of my neck
and the slow pressure of your fingers
digging into my arms with each bite
and grip as you drag me towards you

for there is no way to fill this
puncture this desire
scratch the itch of desperate touch
free from shallow winds
while the city shines coldly
electric from the third floor
and on the other side of my window

i have nobody here to ask
to touch me

never stop

motherfucker.
if i asked you to bite me,
would you?
i bet it'd taste sweet
on the way down, the scrape
of your teeth along the curve
of my neck while i inhale
your scent, gasp inward
and thread my fingers
through your hair,
just so i can attempt to pull you
closer than can be physically possible,
as if i could force you into me
so then this...
would never stop.