want me

11/27/12

funny.
i am used to these feelings,
built on the axis of my heart
tipping forward every time you smile,
the itch in my hands to touch you,
run my fingers through your hair
and kiss you softly.
only now i don't know what
to do with myself.
i have been left here,
unable to run towards you
as i start to shut everything down.
i will end these feelings quickly,
for there is no hope
since you do not want them.

Incomplete

I am awake,
fingers clawing along the edge
of my eyes,
breath a white fog rising,
twisting against the frost
upon the glass of my window,
my heart empty,
blood pooling along
the length of my spine
as I attempt to scream.
I am wholly incomplete
without you.

The Fall

I will take the fall,
the crunch of my bones
as I go down,
head first, arms slack,
body open to receive
the impact.
There is no crying,
for I saw this coming
a long way off.
And I know exactly where
the blame lies.
This is no one's fault
but my own.

In Place of You

There are these black moments,
haunted in the shadow of the night,
your fingers wrapped gently
in my hair,
your lips pressed softly
against the hollow of my neck
and the slow rise
of this clawing desperation
as I try to keep you to me.
I am already aware
that I am incapable of leaving you,
that even when the two of us
are apart there is still
the bruises from your fingers
fading slowly across my skin,
my heart a dull ache
between my ribs
as I attempt to claw myself open
to find you, extract your essence
from the marrow of my bones,
the whites of my eyes
and the scrape of my nails
along my skin.
I'll hurt myself in place of you,
at least until your return.

Comes to This

Please.
I don't expect you to understand
or even recognize the signs before you,
the burst of blue trailing across the wall
after the fight,
white berries buried in the snow
packed upon the drive,
crushed beneath the screech
of the wheels,
all while the clouds of this night
peal away slowly as the dawn breaks.
Still, I'm not going to tell you.
You can guess, run your knuckles
through my hair and pull,
press your lips to mine
and beg me to tell you
when we come up for air.
I hope it never comes to this though.

implications of this moment

11/06/12

god this is embarrassing.

i want you to touch me,

link your fingers through mine,

trace your thumb along my skin,

wrap your arm around my shoulder

and pull me close.

i have been left with my memories,

the trace of your scent on my clothes,

the heat of your body

and the weight of this moment 

descending upon me

as i realize the implications

of it all.

i want to see you so badly.

Whatever You Will Give Me

I will take whatever
you will give me,
the scrape of your voice
along the cold of my bones
in the morning, the shiver
of your lips against mine
as I part myself open,
your name imprinted
on my tongue.
For it is you who finds me
when no one else can,
alone between the shadow
and the soul,
mouth dirty, fingers blackened
from the heat of your heart
and my final gasp an echo
as you take me over the edge.
I have long accepted
the price of your weight
upon my soul.

remember this

kiss me as i fall,
arms open wide, fingers
curved to catch the wind.
i'll let you bite down,
trace the rim of my lips,
suck the blood back
and peel the bruises
fresh off the underside of my eyes
in hope that you'll leave a scar
deep enough for me to remember this.

Winter

I can remember
the crunch of your boots in the snow,
the sheen of the ice on the sidewalk
and the blood of the dying sun
that poured out across the sky,
slick between the tendrils
of the clouds, starting the sudden descent
of this day into darkness.
It was winter
when you kissed me, your lips
frozen and chapped as you pressed them
to mine, slid your hands
into my pockets and pulled,
tugging me closer
as if to breathe my warmth into you,
as if I could save you from the inevitable
before the snow began to fall.
But the wind was blowing, hard,
your lashes frozen,
my breath a white puff
rising through the air
and at that moment
I knew that this was all I could give you.
I needed to be able to climb away,
up out of the drifts before the snow
swallowed the two of us whole
together.

Impossible

I'll bend and I'll break
beneath the image of your face,
your eyes,
your lips as the wailing
of the music pries them apart.
Because I'm singing
of a love song
that wraps 'round the waist
of a vase, crystal in
the delight of these words
crowding across my skin
in the iron bruises this pain
leaves behind.
But I don't think you know this,
as you smile behind the clouded gaze
of a veiled secret,
your arm draped across my shoulders,
mine around your waist,
laughing,
as I watch your mouth
out of the corner of my eye,
your lips parting,
teeth glinting through
these misinterpreted feelings.
Because
I know it's always been
impossible.