need

kiss me. harder than before, to reach the point where i am trying to climb into you. grab my hair at the back of my neck and pull my head back. bite me again and again, hard enough, deep enough so there is no possible way for me to hide the bruises on my neck in the morning. wrap your arms around me, dig your fingers into my hips or my ass as i straddle your lap and force me to you so i can feel your erection against my jeans, because i really love it when you can't help it. tell me what you want to do to me, or better yet, whisper orders in my ear. i'll probably follow them. strip me. lay me on my stomach, press my face into the bed, pinch my nipples and restrain me with your body. fuck me. hard. deep. then hard. tie my wrists down, finger me and don't listen when i say no, for i might come like that. please. fuck me. hard.
and when it's over, i'll need you to do it again.

how to love you

the real question is
whether or not i will make you immortal
as i press my lips to the curve
of your cheek on the page,
feel your fingers gently grasp
around my wrist in a light grip
and sigh.
because this is such a slow moment
in time, stretched out along
the length of my bed
in the soft darkness of the night,
my body wrapped tightly in yours
as the two of us drift off
into sleep.
i do not know any other way
to love people,
but to write the lines
of your body clear across the page,
slowly claw the desire
of what you do to me
along the edge of my skin
as i shudder,
shiver and then collapse forward
into the memory of your arms.
and in doing so, i used to wonder
what you
and other people think of this,
because i will not regret it
in the end,
for this moment existed once
in this type of love,
carved out against the thudding
beat of my heart
as i slowly try to climb
into you, elicit
a smile and a laugh, trace
my fingers through your beard
and eventually fall asleep with
my head on your shoulder
and your arm around my waist.
for we'll exist,
immortal,
as love letters on this page together
long, long after these moments
are over.

the first two lines of the poem are taken from They eat out by Margaret Atwood.

october 27, 2013

this is for you

i want to write this, even without a clear purpose or desire, just to let the words fall aimlessly across the page. i do not want to live in fear, of whether this will scare you, if i am sharing too much, moving too far forward. i think it's a bit too late for that though and in the end i am an impatient person. there is no point in me pretending or hiding anything.

i think i wanted this to be a type of love poem, a story of kinds as i scratch myself bare across the screen, an erotic fantasy of sorts, something to kiss it better in the cool of my empty bed at night. a deliberate attempt to set you off, because i often seen to do that by accident. so this time i could try and that maybe somewhere along the lines, i could be good with words. i often am but in all forms unnecessary, for i still don't know how to phrase this, or even know what i originally thought was the purpose.

i am still trying not to name this. but i am happy, and in the end i am happy naturally most days. so thank you. for all of this and everything.

bit by bit

bit by bit

even
beneath the grasp of your hand
against my neck        the pull
of my hair against my scalp
and the burning gasp
that is wrenched
from the confines of my throat
i will build it
bit by bit
stick by stick
pebble by pebble
and bone by bone
this city        paradise
stretched along the length of my back
a river flowing between
the blades of my shoulders
white fog along the edge
of my skin        blue
and purple flowers blooming
deep within the spaces
of my ribs
while the red crunch of autumn
dries clean and crusted
between my lips

and in the end
this is perfect        regardless
of your absence i
am still building
and growing and
constructing and colonizing
and reclaiming the land
you took
away from me

bit by bit
i'll pave over
the remainders
of your presence

open

let me open the body

red along the lines of my lung

scoop my hands together

to the axis of your heart

as the world tilts sideways

when i move in to kiss you

let me open my body

lock my fingers within 

the shallow indents of my hips

bend forward at the waist 

and breath slowly

through the pain and the beat

and the kiss of it all

let me open your body

straddle the width of your hips

run my fingers through your hair

and breathe deeply

almost enough to meld you to me

so i will never have to let go

when sleep approaches

because i can count the beat

of the moments until morning

trace the lines of your jaw

and scrape my nail gently

along the curve of your ear in a shiver

of delight

and by the end of it

i am gloriously happy

crying

and in the end

i don't know why

but all i feel like

is crying

just enough to grope open

the length of my pelvis

grip my fingers deep 

into the give of my blankets

while i bury my head into my pillow

as to not allow myself

the temptation of screaming

in attempt to remedy

the situation

before i shatter apart

in the emptiness of tonight

i do not know what is wrong

how to tell you this or

even just to ask for you to hold me

tightly on your arms

until the confusion ends

or i finally start crying

whichever comes first

hot tonight

it's hot tonight

almost too hot for talking

your fingers a shadow of a trace

along the base of your glass

in the dark

as the wind flutters gently behind

the curtain

almost like a butterfly 

just beyond the reach of my hands

as i lean in and try 

to wrap my fingers within yours

it's hot tonight

too hot to talk 'bout fucking

the sweat curving down

the length of my brow

salt in my eyes as i blink

once twice hard enough

to try and clear my thoughts 

as you cup the side of my jaw

and lean in

just far enough to break me

without falling

it's hot tonight

too fucking hot for love

it's just cold enough though

to press the pads of my fingers 

against the molting bruises on my neck

until they hurt to the point of freshness

as i face my reflection in the mirror

the temperature in the apartment

slowly rising until 

we reach boiling point together

and are finally finally

done