Winter

I can remember
the crunch of your boots in the snow,
the sheen of the ice on the sidewalk
and the blood of the dying sun
that poured out across the sky,
slick between the tendrils
of the clouds, starting the sudden descent
of this day into darkness.
It was winter
when you kissed me, your lips
frozen and chapped as you pressed them
to mine, slid your hands
into my pockets and pulled,
tugging me closer
as if to breathe my warmth into you,
as if I could save you from the inevitable
before the snow began to fall.
But the wind was blowing, hard,
your lashes frozen,
my breath a white puff
rising through the air
and at that moment
I knew that this was all I could give you.
I needed to be able to climb away,
up out of the drifts before the snow
swallowed the two of us whole
together.

that day there were no more explosives or flowers in the air

that day peeled back a jagged blue
as the first sight to greet the eyes in the morning,
stretching over the mountain tops
until it leaked into every household
within walking distance of the city

that day the bus broke down
three blocks over and one minute before
my inevitable speech about buying a car
in case i ever ended up stranded downtown again
with only $1.25 in my name

that day was one of the last days the leaves fell,
twitching in their agonized dance
as if trying to prolong the descent of winter
for just a second longer, allowing their voices to sing
once more before they met their end
under the crunch of my boots

that day I had no classes
but came to college anyways, to visit and pretend
i was doing my homework
and that time when i sat down on the couch
in the student lounge beside you,
i waited a moment before gently removing your arm
from around my shoulders