Aim to Find You

10/15/12

This is not good for my heart.
I am watching,
openly, out of the corner
of my eye when I least
expect it, scanning
my surroundings,
my memories overlapping
unconsciously with the present.
I am trying to find you
even when I know that
you are not here.
I aim to find you,
no matter how small the resemblance,
the hoodie of the man walking past me,
the flash of blond hair
from across the room,
each moment building until
it all comes crashing down
with the realization of
this strange emptiness
of when you are not near me.
And I am afraid
to tell you this.

Catching Me

06/12/12

I am not asking for anything,
not the weight of your hand
in mine, the trace
of your breath along the back of my neck
or even your smile.
Because I am content
with how it is,
this distance, the searching glances
from the corners of my eyes,
your name not even mentioned
as I run my pen along the paper,
afraid as if I could jinx myself.
I'm scared to lean against you
because I want to, need
to fall
and I can't ask you the burden
of catching me.