Watching You

06/03/12

I can remember the way
I watch you,
eyes darting away to not get caught
as I check you out,
scrape the lines of your body clean
before rising up to meet your eyes
in a panic,
for I want to touch you,
kiss you clean,
straddle your lap, lace your fingers
through mine and allow myself
to fall forward into you.

More of a Poet

I think I’m more greedy

than you can imagine,

spread out and dyed,

smothered in the freshly baked pages

of imagery gone wild,

swinging out across the sand.

I want to swallow and taste

the bitter hue

of words gone sour

in the library of our thoughts composed,

boiled, shredded and baked

in the oven of our small apartment.

I’ve got the sensation

of all your angles and panes

stamped across my tongue

despite my actions of trying to

scrape myself clean of you

with a bloody knife.

I’ve got you printed deep within

the pages and painted

across my skin,

despite my horror.

I’ll never see your grimace,

your smile, your laugh

carved and curled around the words.

I’m expecting myself to write fantasy

in which you don’t exist,

the wall are white

and the sheets are clean.

You’re more of a poet than

I am though,

for I can still feel your presence

moving inside me.

Confession

06/17/12

There's the gap in my chest
as my ribs are slowly pried apart,
my lungs gasping for air,
my mouth dry as I try to swallow
my heart down deep into my chest
before it bursts.
I can't believe I said that
to you.

This Evening

I can feel the ache of my lungs,
the collapse of my bones
as I start to fall inwards
from the weight
of this evening.
I need you to pull my ribs forward,
kiss the dry whites of my eyes,
smother me down, bite
the blue of this bruise
slowly starting to bloom
upwards along my chest.
I know this will take time
to heal.

Fall

06/09/12

I want to fall,
unbuckle my arms,
stretch out my fingers,
and feel my bones snap against the wind
as I become elastic, sinking
downwards beneath the bruised
undersides of my eyelids,
heavy with the tears I haven't managed
to shed yet.
But I'm scared to saying this,
spreading voice to these desires,
afraid that if you get in the way
I'll grab hold
and I can't ask you, I can't
ask you the burden
of catching me.
Not when I don't know how far
I have to fall.

That Night

What if I could taste

the broken memories of that night

against my tongue,

sticking to the roof of my mouth,

fighting the forbidden desire

to swallow,

to assimilate you

within me,

buried within the squirming

silence of desire,

swallowing with a gulp

the fantasy you've brought

the dreams you've played,

spun around my neck,

designed in the wish to garrot,

replacing all my fantasies

with your reality,

crying, sobbing,

crawling through the sheets

and falling off the bed

with a clatter of bones

as they break

all connections between...

Learned to Hate

You’ve learned to hate,

starting with the slow

painful quick growing

of your skin,

stretching a betrayal all across your body,

because you’re no longer a child.

You’ve learned to hate

this cage you’ll never be rid of,

for it’s too big,

too fat, too wide,

not skinny enough to swallow your soul whole

and eat you through from

the inside.

You’ve learned to hate

this blood that’s always flowing

when you least need it,

for in the eyes of anyone else

to you it says you’re dirty,

you’re sinful

now that you’ve split

the essence of life upon the floor

and devoured the fruit of heaven,

because you know

you can never go back.