Surviving the Night

I am afraid
of surviving the night
as I let the darkness
curl over the blunt edge
of my mind, midnight kisses
falling, blacklight stars
smoldering a dry burn
along my skin.
But I know the dawn
is empty, white
along the edges of the curtains,
hollow in the space where you
once were.
I pray to end
before this night is over
for I don't want to wake up
without you.

want me

11/27/12

funny.
i am used to these feelings,
built on the axis of my heart
tipping forward every time you smile,
the itch in my hands to touch you,
run my fingers through your hair
and kiss you softly.
only now i don't know what
to do with myself.
i have been left here,
unable to run towards you
as i start to shut everything down.
i will end these feelings quickly,
for there is no hope
since you do not want them.

Incomplete

I am awake,
fingers clawing along the edge
of my eyes,
breath a white fog rising,
twisting against the frost
upon the glass of my window,
my heart empty,
blood pooling along
the length of my spine
as I attempt to scream.
I am wholly incomplete
without you.

The Fall

I will take the fall,
the crunch of my bones
as I go down,
head first, arms slack,
body open to receive
the impact.
There is no crying,
for I saw this coming
a long way off.
And I know exactly where
the blame lies.
This is no one's fault
but my own.

In Place of You

There are these black moments,
haunted in the shadow of the night,
your fingers wrapped gently
in my hair,
your lips pressed softly
against the hollow of my neck
and the slow rise
of this clawing desperation
as I try to keep you to me.
I am already aware
that I am incapable of leaving you,
that even when the two of us
are apart there is still
the bruises from your fingers
fading slowly across my skin,
my heart a dull ache
between my ribs
as I attempt to claw myself open
to find you, extract your essence
from the marrow of my bones,
the whites of my eyes
and the scrape of my nails
along my skin.
I'll hurt myself in place of you,
at least until your return.

Comes to This

Please.
I don't expect you to understand
or even recognize the signs before you,
the burst of blue trailing across the wall
after the fight,
white berries buried in the snow
packed upon the drive,
crushed beneath the screech
of the wheels,
all while the clouds of this night
peal away slowly as the dawn breaks.
Still, I'm not going to tell you.
You can guess, run your knuckles
through my hair and pull,
press your lips to mine
and beg me to tell you
when we come up for air.
I hope it never comes to this though.

implications of this moment

11/06/12

god this is embarrassing.

i want you to touch me,

link your fingers through mine,

trace your thumb along my skin,

wrap your arm around my shoulder

and pull me close.

i have been left with my memories,

the trace of your scent on my clothes,

the heat of your body

and the weight of this moment 

descending upon me

as i realize the implications

of it all.

i want to see you so badly.