i am still dreaming,
white clouds stretched
along the red of my tongue
as i bite, swallow
and choke back the terror
of this day.
i am waiting for you to hurt me.
though,
i can break myself easily
in the time before you arrive,
tighten my fingers across my neck,
scrape my nails down the curve of my spine,
twist the vertebrae clockwards
with a snap
and a small whisper of a scream,
like a child in the black velvet
of the night, when I awaken,
heart thudding as the blood
pools within my cheeks,
my body heavy as
I could each beat of each second
until i am no longer
sleeping.
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